This topic is for all couple's and for those who are soon to be married. I hope you read this and be benefitted. It is absolutely necessary for us to build a home called " family " with " God " as the corner stone. It's rightly said in Ps 127:1 that 'If the Lord does not build the house, the work of the builders is useless'.
As all of you know foxes are known for their cunningness, there are foxes listed in Bible which ruin a happy family life. When we identify them at the right time and escape from the cunning tricks of these foxes we will surely lead a happy family life. For the Bible says, in song 2:15 that 'Catch the foxes, the little foxes, before they ruin our vineyard that is in bloom'.
There are ten little foxes that I would like to discuss here, which we have to hunt and chuck them out to lead a happy family life.
1. BEING PROUD: Proudness is part of some people's life, it is born with them. Proudness can be related to their richness, beauty or education. But when it comes to family life it's better for both the husband and the wife to come out of the proud feeling. If anyone (husband or wife) feels, I am greater than her or my family is greater than his, now is the time to throw away the cunning fox (proudness) out of your life to lead a happy life. 1Pet 5:5b says 'God resists the proud, but shows favour to the humble'.
2. FINDING FAULT: As human beings, it has become very easy for us to find fault in others rather than to analyse and rectify the fault that's in us. God tells us to look into the plank of dust that's in our eyes before we point that on others. There is nobody under the sky who is faultless, you and your partner are no exception. Once you are married, you will have to accept your partner as they are with all their weaknesses. They are grown ups and you cannot try to correct them. Instead, understand you too have your own weaknesses and try to appreciate the good things in them.
3. ANGER: It is normal for us to get angry but what you do once you are angry and how you get out of this anger is more important. Husbands, are you throwing things or using harsh words at your wife or avoiding a talk or even beating them? Wifes, are you shouting and fighting with your husband or punishing them by depriving him from his pleasureable activity? If you are doing this you are making things worser. Ps 4:4 says, 'In your anger, do not sin'. Instead be quiet, think over the situation from your partner's point of view. Even if, your partner is wrong, you be the first to apologise and start a pleasant conversation. Prov 25:28 says, if you cannot control your anger, you are helpless like a city without walls, open to attack. Beware of this cunning fox and let it not attack your happy family.
4. UNFORGIVING: There is always small fights and misunderstandings in a family life. But once the fight is over, forgive eachother and forget the incident completely. Don't feel shy or be ashamed to ask for forgiveness. Col 3:13 says, 'Be tolerant and forgive one another, whenever any of you have a complaint against someone else. Forgive just as the Lord forgives you.' You should forgive whole heartedly because that is the kind of forgiveness God is expecting from us Mt18:35. And when you say you have forgiven with all your heart, remember you are not going to talk about that incident anymore and not going to point out the days happening at any point of life in future. Mt 6:15 says, 'when we don't forgive others, our father in heaven will not forgive the wrongs that we have done'. If we want forgiveness for our sins we have to forgive others sins.
5. UNYIELDING: As arguements become a part of day to day life, it is good for one person to yield to another. Otherwise this little fox will start to play his own tricks. If you are not going to yield, you are going to break. Imagine a man riding on a bullock cart and he wants to turn left, what he does is he will lash the ox to his right with his whip which has a needle. In pain, the ox on his right will turn to take a left turn. That's how it goes. Will the rider be able to reach the destiny if the oxen turn in their own direction? Definitely no. Likewise, one should yield to the other and it will surely cause pain to the one who is taking the turn but you will be able to reach the destiny.
6. DOUBT: Let doubt never enter your mind at any cost. If this cunning fox enter's your family, it is not going to be easy to chase him away. Better don't let him in. Marriage is a trusting relationship. Trust your partner completely. If you dont trust your partner, you are going to doubt anything and everything. Once you are married, its good to maintain a distance with friends of opposite sex. Do not do anything for your parents or friends or colleagues without the knowledge of your spouse. There should not be any secrets between you both. If you want to help your family or friends with money, you discuss with your spouse and do it with his/her consent.
7. INTRUDERS: When you have problems in your family, do not let your parents or friends or another third person intrude you. Only you know the depth of the situation and you are old enough to take a decision. In Ps 45:10, the Bible says ' Bride, forget your people and relatives'. You can ask opinions from elders or share the problem with the person you rely but let them not decide for you. And let not their opinions impose your decision because its your family and you are going to live.
8. AUTHORITY: God has given equal authority for a husband and a wife. This authority is given to take care of each other well and fulfil the marital duties, not to boss over eachother. This is well explained in 1cor 7:3,4. Always let the male partner be incharge of the family, let the female partner walk beside him and take responsibility when it's absolutely necessary. Use this God given authority in a constructive way.
9. COMPARING: This is one common mistake that many of us make. Many conflicts in family arises when we compare our partner with somebody else, say it for keeping the house clean or the way of dressing or the matter of saving money. Each individual is different and they have their own positive and negative ends. Never think you are not a good suit for your spouse, like; I am not beautiful but my husband is handsome or viseversa. When you say that you are openly confessing against God and His creation because God created everybody in His own image and He is the one who has united you. 2cor 10:12 says "They measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves among themselves which is not wise, for they judge by their own standards!." I am sure all of you believe God's standards are different and always high compared to ours.
10. LACK OF TIME TOGETHER: Spending time together will prevent and put an end to a lot of problems. When you face a problem, don't pack your things to your parents house or try to live seperately, that is not going to solve the problem. Physical presence or togetherness is very important at this time. The scripture clearly tells 'a man should leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they become one Gen 2:24.' Take time and talk about the problem. Go to a quiet place or may be a restaurant/beach together and ventilate your feelings. Make outing as a family a must every week, this not only gives you privacy but also refreshes your mind.
A few other but important tips include:
1. Praying everyday together and being regular to Church.
2. Respecting eachother's family.
3. Appreciating eachother.
Love one another with God's kind of love. Everything will go well until you find something wrong with your spouse, but at that time let your love not fade away. Thats why I described it as God's love. God's love is unchanging, it is the same yesterday, today and forever. He know's we are sinners, yet He loved us and died for our sins (Rom5:8). Aren't you glad that God treated us that way? We didn't do anything to merit God's love. He just chose to give it. We can choose to receive that kind of love and then give it to others in the same way.
Wish you all a very happy married life!!!